Feb

Defining Spirituality

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Spirituality is a word used in an abundance of contexts that means different things for different people at different times in different cultures. Although expressed through religions, art, nature and the built environment for centuries, recent expressions of spirituality have become more varied and diffuse.

This is reflected in the range of language used to describe spirituality. Some of the more common themes describe it using one or more of the following elements:

a sense of purpose
a sense of ‘connectedness’ – to self, others, nature, ‘God’ or Other
a quest for wholeness
a search for hope or harmony
a belief in a higher being or beings
some level of transcendence, or the sense that there is more to life than the material or practical, and
those activities that give meaning and value to people’s lives.

Underlying many of those themes is an assumption that an intrinsic (often sub-conscious) human activity is one of trying to make sense of the world around us and of our meaning and place within it.

In this context, “spirituality” becomes the way through which that meaning is sought, and can vary according to age, gender, culture, political ideology, physical or mental health and myriad other factors.

For some, that way is religion. For example the most recent Census states that the UK population includes approximately 42 million people who describe themselves (nominally or otherwise) as

Christian, 1.5 million
Muslims, over 500,000
Hindus, 340,000 Sikhs,
over 250,000 Jews and
a significant number of smaller religious communities.

Within each of these groups, there is a vast range of traditions and practices through which spirituality is experienced or expressed.

These people express their religion in various ways, such as

attendance at church, temple, mosque or synagogue, or
time spent in prayer/ meditation.

However, for others – including the 9 million UK citizens who say they don’t have a religion – spirituality takes many other forms.

It is recognised that spirituality has broadened in meaning into a more diffuse human need that can be met quite apart from institutionalised religious structures. It is identified as the outward expression of the inner workings of the human spirit and a definition of spirituality such as this:

Spirituality is that aspect of human existence that gives it its ‘humanness’. It concerns the structures of significance that give meaning and direction to a person’s life and helps them deal with the variations of existence.

As such it includes such vital dimensions as the

quest for meaning,
purpose,
self-transcending knowledge,
meaningful relationships,
love and commitment, as well as [for some]
a sense of the Holy amongst us.

This description supports the view that humans are

social,
biological,
emotional,
physical and
spiritual beings and
any understanding of the relationship between spirituality and mental health exists within that context.

Deaf and Hard of Hearing Recovery

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Deaf and Hard of Hearing Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps Recovery Resources

This website has many resources for alcoholics with hearing problems.

Click on links below;

AA Online Computer Meetings
AA Meeting Via Telephone Or Video Relay Services
AA meetings In Print
AA Meeting on Tape
Free Loan Resources For AA Videotapes In ASL or With Subtitles/Closed-captioning
Deaf Treatment Centers AA Cooperation With Treatment Facilities (CTF) Articles
Links To World Wide Resources For Family & Friends Of Alcoholics

Alcoholics Anonymous in American Sign Language (ASL) – 5 volume set 1/2″ – VHS (Note: Only the first 164 pages is available in ASL)

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in American Sign Language (ASL) – 5 volume set 1/2″-VHS

Home page; http://www.dhh12s.com/

Control Freak?

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Do you want to control life like a canal controls water

Controllism Questionnaire.

Many people in recovery from alcoholism, co-dependency and gambling find they have issues relating to control and submission. To find a comfortable medium one needs to examine the extremes. This is one extreme.

Do you find yourself serious most of the time so that having fun is difficult for you?
Do you find yourself feeling insecure and lonely even in the company of others?
Have you ever felt yourself living a life of quiet desperation?
Do you often hide your true feelings?
Do you either try to make everything “smooth” or do you try to disrupt and stir things up?
Do you have long lists and reminders of what you would like to see accomplished and do you get upset if these aren’t fulfilled?
Do you ever find yourself needing explanations or having to explain nearly everything?
Have you been engaged in judging others, yet fearful of being judged yourself?
Do you become upset if events do not go as planned?
Do you get caught up in either resenting or defending authority?
Do you find yourself avoiding many activities because you cannot control the outcome?
Do you either resist change, or do you seek change frequently in order to get away from unhappiness?
Do you need other people to make you happy?
Do you find yourself avoiding people, places, and things that upset you?
Do you ever find yourself worried about the future and/or resentful of the past?
Do you often feel the need to fix and manage other people’s lives?
Do other people’s actions often upset you?
Do you feel responsible for pleasing and making others happy?
Do you frequently find yourself defending and looking for an excuse to cover your actions?
Do you at times feel unfairly treated — a victim of circumstance?
Have you found yourself trying to do the right thing and not knowing what it is?
Do you go to great lengths to get your way?
Do you fear what people may think of you?
Do you feel others expect a lot of you that you cannot fulfil?
Do you have difficulty letting people get close to you?

If you answered “yes” to a lot of these questions then you may consider looking at the controls which block out being your true self.

Use your recovery program to look at these matters or seek help from a counsellor or self-help group such as;

Acceptance and Surrender

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Compliance and Acceptance; Submission and Surrender

By Dr Harry Tiebout, an early friend of AA who wrote extensively about alcoholism and AA. This edited article illustrates an often subtle but devastating state of mind in recovering alcoholics.

Dr Harry Tiebout

In alcohol treatment and recovery one fact must be kept in mind, namely the need to distinguish between submission and surrender. In submission, an individual accepts reality consciously but not unconsciously. He accepts as a practical fact that he cannot at that moment conquer reality, but lurking in his unconscious is the feeling, “There’ll come a day” — which implies no real acceptance and demonstrates conclusively that the struggle is still going on. With submission, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension continues. When, on the other hand, the ability to accept reality functions on the unconscious level, there is no residual battle, and relaxation ensues with freedom from strain and conflict. In fact, it is perfectly possible to ascertain to what extent the acceptance of reality is on the unconscious level by the degree of relaxation which develops. The greater the relaxation, the greater is the inner acceptance of reality.

Acceptance appears to be a state of mind in which the individual accepts rather than rejects or resists: he is able to take things in, to go along with, to cooperate and to be receptive. Contrariwise, he is not argumentative, quarrelsome, irritable or contentious. For the time being, at any rate, the hostile, negative, aggressive elements are in abeyance, and we have a much pleasanter human being to deal with. Acceptance as a state of mind has many highly admirable qualities as well as useful ones. Some measure of it is greatly to be desired. Its attainment as an inner state of mind is never easy.

Compliance needs careful definition. It means agreeing, going along, but in no way implies enthusiastic, wholehearted assent and approval. There is a willingness not to argue or resist but the cooperation is a bit grudging, a little forced; one is not entirely happy about agreeing. Compliance is, therefore, a word which portrays mixed feelings, divided sentiments. There is a willingness to go along but at the same time there are some inner reservations which make that willingness somewhat thin and watery. It does not take much to overthrow this kind of willingness.

[In the alcoholic] . . . surrender is essential to wholehearted acceptance and that unconscious compliance, which is a halfway surrender, can be a vital block to genuine surrender.” “. . . alcoholics frequently show marked unconscious compliant trends which not only help to explain some puzzling aspects of their behavior but also account for their frequent inability to respond meaningfully to treatment.

After an act of surrender, the individual reports a sense of unity, of ended struggles, of no longer divided inner counsel. He knows the meaning of inner wholeness and, what is more, he knows from immediate experience the feeling of being wholehearted about anything. He recognizes for the first time how insincere his previous protestations actually were. If he is a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, he travels around to meetings proclaiming the need for honesty — usually, at the start of his pilgrimage, with a certain amount of surprise and wonder in his voice. Quite frankly, before he was able to embrace the program, he had no idea he was a liar, dishonest in his thoughts; but now that A.A. is making sense — that is, he is accepting A.A. wholeheartedly and without reservations — he sees that previously he had never truly accepted anything. The A.A. speaker does not follow through to state that, formerly, all he had been doing was complying; but if asked, he nods his head in vigorous assent, saying, “That’s exactly what I was doing.” A more articulate individual, after a little thought, added: “You know, when I think back on it, that was all I knew how to do. I supposed that was the way it was with everybody. I could not conceive of really giving up. The best I could do was comply, which meant I never really wanted to quit drinking, I can see it all now but I certainly couldn’t then.

Obviously this speaker is reporting the loss of his compliant tendencies, occurring, let it be noted, when he gave up, surrendered, and thus was able wholeheartedly to follow the A.A. program. Let it further be noted that this new honesty arises automatically, spontaneously; the individual does not have the slightest inkling that this development is in prospect. It represents a deep unconscious shift in attitude and one certainly for the better. After (Tiebout, 1953)

See also;
Alcoholic, Addictive Behaviors
Are there Patterns to Denial Behavior?
Can Denial be Disturbed?
and finally a bit of a laugh; Difficult words to say when drunk

Dental Infections in Recovery

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Free Macro White Teeth With Dental Floss and Red Lipstick Creative Commons

Flossing helps teeth & gums

People in recovery from alcoholism, addiction, gambling and even co-dependents often have dental problems. Additionally people on Methadone suffer excessively with teeth problems.

This article from the American Academy of Family Physicians may help identify problems.

What is dental caries?

Dental caries (CARE-eez) is an infection caused by certain bacteria (germs) in your mouth. It destroys the enamel (the hard outer layer) and dentin (the bone-like tissue under the enamel) of your teeth. More common names for dental caries are cavities and tooth decay.

How can I prevent dental caries?

Taking care of your mouth is important. You and your family should visit a dentist each year, starting at one year of age.

You should brush and floss twice a day with toothpaste that contains fluoride (FLOOR-ide). You can start teaching children to brush with a small amount of low-fluoride toothpaste when they are two years old. After six years of age, children can use regular fluoride toothpaste.

Your dentist may suggest putting fluoride gel on your teeth to make them stronger and prevent decay.

What is pulpitis?

Pulpitis (puhl-PIE-tiss) is when the tooth pulp (the soft tissue inside the tooth that has nerves and blood vessels) gets inflamed (hot, red, and swollen). This happens when tooth decay is not treated.

What is a periodontal (PAIR-ee-oh-DON-tal) infection?

It is an infection of the gums (the soft tissue at the base of the teeth) caused by a build up of bacteria. If the gums are inflamed for more than six months, it can cause bone loss around the teeth.

How can I avoid gum disease?

You can prevent it by brushing, flossing, and rinsing with mouthwash every day. However, be careful of mouthwash containing alcohol or other mood changing drugs.

Where can I find more information?

Your dentist
American Academy of Family Physicians
Web site: http://familydoctor.org
American Dental Association
Web site: http://www.ada.org/public/topics/decay.asp
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Web site: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/publications/aag/oh.htm
This handout is provided to you by your family doctor and the American Academy of Family Physicians. Other health-related information is available from the AAFP online at http://www.familydoctor.org.
See also;
HALT being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
The Inner Voice
Learn to recognize stress
Keep It Simple
Recovery MP3 tracks for all 12-Step Fellowships

Commitment

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

The two minds of commitment

As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.

We must commit, on deep levels, to careers, to goals, to family, friends, and recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will.

Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.

Sometimes, our fear of commitment is telling us something. We may not want to commit to a particular relationship, purchase, or career. Other times, it is a matter of our fears working their way out. Wait, then. Wait until the issue becomes clear.

Trust yourself.

Ask your Higher Power to remove your fear of commitment. Ask God to remove your blocks to commitment. Ask God for guidance.
Ask yourself if you are willing to lose what you will not commit too.
Then listen, quietly. And wait until a decision seems consistently right and comfortable.

We need to be able to commit, but we need never commit until we are ready. Trust that you will commit when you want to.

Higher Power, guide me in making my commitments. Give me the courage to make those that are right for me, the wisdom to not commit to that which does not feel right, and the patience to wait until I know.

From; The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie

6 Signs of Co-dependency

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Co-dependent emotional chaos

What is co-dependency?

The term “co-dependency” was coined more than 20 years ago by authors who studied the negative impact of drug and alcohol use on families. Since then, use of the term has been expanded to include a pattern of psychologically unhealthy behaviors that are learned by individuals as a way of coping with a family environment marked by ignored or denied emotional turmoil.

Most people are able to enjoy a sense of healthy, mutual interdependence in their lives. However, people with co-dependency seem to habitually form relationships that are one-sided and emotionally destructive.

The central feature of co-dependency is an unhealthy dependence on relationships, usually in an attempt to avoid the feeling of abandonment.

Signs and symptoms of co-dependency include:

Controlling behavior
Mistrust of others
Perfectionism
Avoidance of feelings
Excessive caretaking behavior
Hypervigilance — a heightened awareness for potential threat or danger

If you feel that you or someone you care about may be struggling with co-dependency issues, consider consulting with a mental health professional who is experienced in working with individuals with these problems. The more you understand about co-dependency, the more likely meaningful and positive change will occur.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/codependency/AN01340

Delirium Tremens

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

The DT’s

“That year I went to an alcohol treatment program twice. The first time I was in treatment, I was shaving at the mirror in the bathroom and it seemed to me that my beard was growing back in as fast as I could shave it off. Even though I was in a hospital gown, I escaped, running down the streets and jumping up and over fences. I was on the porch of a woman’s house banging on the door for her to let me in when the police arrived. I tried to convince them she was my wife and my children were inside, but they saw the hospital bracelet on my wrist, and they took me back to the program. …

“The doctor told me that if I went into DTs like that again I might not come out.”

Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Ed, p 482.

Undoing Denial is First Step

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Paris - La Villette - Géode - 9-06-2007 - 19h04

Denial is distorted reality

Breaking through denial is alcoholic’s, addict’s first step in recovery

Looking in the mirror and accepting what we see can be one of the hardest things we ever do. It’s especially hard when the image staring us in the face is painful or doesn’t fit with how we want to see ourselves.

Sometimes, the truth is so painful that we avoid it at any cost.

Refusing to accept a painful reality that alters the perception of ourselves is a psychological defense called denial.

As human beings, we may use denial to protect ourselves from knowledge, insight or awareness that threatens our self-esteem, mental or physical health, or security.

The term “denial” is often used in the chemical dependency field to describe people who deny substance abuse problems. “Denial is the tendency of alcoholics or addicts to either reject or distort variables associated with their drinking or drug use in spite of evidence to the contrary,” said Patricia Owen.

It’s a common misconception that all alcoholics and addicts are in denial. In fact, people have various levels of awareness of their chemical use problems and readiness to change behavior. “People may recognize certain facts concerning their use, such as number of arrests or how often they drink,” Owen said. “At the same time, they may woefully misperceive the impact their use has had on the people around them, their relationships, how they feel about themselves, or the implications of their drinking history.”

Some common statements made by alcoholics who deny their disease include: “I could quit anytime I wanted to.” “I’d quit using if people would quit ragging on me.” “If you were in my situation, you’d drink, too.”

Typically, the more severe the addiction, the stronger the denial. This is often baffling and frustrating to family members and others who care about the addicted person. “If a person doesn’t recognize that his or her behavior is creating problems, then he or she wouldn’t see the need to change or seek assistance,” said Barbara McCrady, PhD. “They are also likely to react negatively to people who believe they have a problem.”

Also feeding denial, is the stigma and shame associated with alcoholism. Unfortunately, much of society still perceives alcoholism as a moral failure.

There are many barriers to overcoming denial. In some cases, the alcoholics behavior may be similar to his or her peers — it’s hard for them to understand that anything is wrong.

Other people don’t think they can be successful in making changes in their lives, so they refuse to recognize there is a problem.

Chemically dependent people don’t have a monopoly on denial. The defense is also employed by many people with chronic illnesses such as diabetes, heart disease, cancer and AIDS. People with these diseases may use denial to avoid accepting their mortality, giving up fantasies of control or invincibility, or dramatically changing lifestyles.

An article in the Dec. 14, 1994 issue of the “Journal of the American Medical Association” notes that “denial may constitute a barrier to the patient’s sharing of essential information; it may also interfere with the patient’s ability to hear and accept medical advice.”

Examples of denial include not reporting chest pain or other potentially life-threatening symptoms and denying the impact of chronic or disfiguring illnesses.

It is a myth that harshly confronting a person with the consequences of his or her behavior helps people break through denial. “In most cases, it builds up the defense even more,” Owen said. “People fear coming into treatment because of the shame and stigma associated with alcoholism; they fear rejection and confrontation and facing up to their guilt and low self-esteem.
A more effective way is to help people learn more about their disease and get support from others who also have the disease.”

Family members can help by allowing the chemically dependent loved one to experience the consequences of his or her drinking or drug use. “If someone passes out in the yard — unless it’s a life-threatening situation — they should be left there,” McCrady said. “The person will begin to recognize that there are consequences for his or her actions.

If family members give feedback, it should be when the person is sober or straight and it should be expressed in a caring rather than confrontational manner.”

From; Alive and Free a chemical health column created by Hazelden Foundation, a nonprofit agency that provides a wide range of services relating to alcohol and drug dependence.

Continued AA Attendance

Sparrow on February 8th, 2010

Serenity

If one continues to attend AA one has nearly double chance of finding freedom from alcoholism.

Comparison of Past Year Drinking Status – Dropouts and Continuing AA Members

Dropouts:

Abstinent 33%
Low risk drinking 14%
High risk drinking 53%

Continued AA attendance:

Abstinent 62%
Low risk drinking 9%
High risk drinking 29%

low risk drinking = never exceed 4 drinks per day(male) or 3 drinks per day (female)

high risk drinking = exceeds 4 drinks per day (male) or 3 drinks per day (female)

Research Source: NIAAA 1991-1992 National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiologic Survey (NLAES). Data Brief – National Longitudinal Alcohol Epidemiologic Survey (NLAES) Findings on Alcoholics Anonymous Membership by Loran Archer.