Developing Spirituality

A Sick Cycle of Dependency

Being dependent on others almost comes natural when we are in a state of confusion.

We seek others opinions, beliefs, and advice. What others say, if we place them in a position of authority, becomes "The Word."

Unfortunately, the advice and opinion of the other person, is really a form of "approval" that we seek. The "approval" we seek is not healthy for the relationship. It forms a relationship of "one up and one down" (someone higher or a "step above" us).

Doing Too Much To Cover Up Our Needs

Unfortunately, no one can really give you advice as a prescription to your situation. Because no one really knows you, and knows ALL your history, and your ENTIRE situation. But because of alcoholism or in fact, anything that may be creating a huge amount of anxiety, can place us in a state of confusion.

Full story at Al-anon Diary

See also;

A Problem Shared is a Problem Halved
Alcohol intervention may help.
HALT being Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
What is anxiety?
The Language of Letting Go – A Recovery Book

The Sexual G-spot, Male and Female

Rediscovering your sexuality in recovery may hold many pleasurable surprises. One of these is the discovery of your G spot. You have always had it but may have been too stoned / drunk to notice its subtle, but satisfying, effect on your orgasm.

What is it?

The G spot is one of the high spots of many a love-making experience. It was discovered in 1950 but unlike most newly-discovered areas, this one wasn’t found by your typical beardy explorer with gangrene and frostbite.

It was discovered by Gynaecologist Ernst Grafenberg. He found a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina that gets bigger when directly stimulated. This discovery caused quite a sensation, as you can imagine, but his revelation was doubted for quite some time.

The male G spot is the prostate gland (more of that later) but the female one is still under debate by many and not all ladies seem to have one. However, it’s worth looking for so read on…

Ladies, you can look for it yourself or have someone look for you – either way the first stimulation of the G-spot can be quite uncomfortable. Empty your bladder first and try to relax into the sensation as the feeling should pass. And make sure your vagina is well lubricated.

The easiest position to find your G-spot yourself is to squat on the loo. Insert your finger into your vagina, curving it towards your navel. Feeling around should cause the G-spot to swell and make it easier to pinpoint. The considered view states that it is around the size of a large pea (not the large pee you had just beforehand).

Now it’s time for someone else to have a go: lie down on your back, knees bent and have a small pillow under your buttocks. The rest of it’s pretty much the same as above – make sure you let your partner know when they’ve found it.

Stimulating the G-spot can cause ladies to ejaculate a small amount of white or clear fluid and, combined with clitoral stimulation, can prove to be the most satisfying of orgasms. The ‘doggy’ position is the best for G-spot stimulation as the front wall of the vagina receives more pressure this way.

Gentlemen – yes, you have a G-spot too. It’s quite hard for you to find your own what with it being up your rectum but those of you supple and brave enough to try should attempt the following: lie on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor (if this proves unsuccessful, try drawing your knees up to your chest).

Using plenty of lubricant put in your thumb and press it against the front wall of the rectum. However, it’s much easier if you get someone to find it for you. Assume the same position and get your partner to insert a lubricated finger, feeling up the front wall of the rectum until they touch something that feels like a walnut.

Bingo! You can now start massaging firmly in a downward direction. Many men claim that G-spot orgasms are more intense and that rather than ejaculating in spurts, they produce a continuous stream.

So there you go: wash your hands, apply some lubricant and away you go. It’s always advisable to wash hands again if they have been inside a rectum as you can inadvertently transfer bacteria to other parts of your or their body afterwards. Don’t be shy – it’s worth a look or feel, and could change your sex life!

Elmo

Elmo by James Kavanaugh

Elmo prays not because he has faith or

Because he learned about God

At his mother’s knee or at a preacher’s elbow.

Elmo prays because he has tried everything else

Drinking

Screwing

Running away

Working

To take away the pain of being a frightened man

Which is totally unacceptable

Especially to women and most men.

And none of this worked very well

Till Elmo started talking

To someone

Somewhere

Who seemed to understand.

Now Elmo prays

Not to Jesus or Buddha

Not to a theological God or philosophical omnipotence

Not to a computerized and selective savior.

Just to someone

Somewhere

Who seems to understand

And likes the hell out of Elmo.

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Review of the book ’Alcoholics Anonymous’

From; The NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL OF MEDICINE, Vol. 221(15), October 12, 1939.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: The story of how more than one hundred men have recovered from alcoholism. 400 pp. New York Works Publishing Co., 1939, $3.50.

The psychological aspect of alcoholism taxes the entire skill and intuition of the therapist, and the authors of this book claim that in the long run the ex-alcoholic patient who is properly trained in psychological method is an extremely effective person to bring about the cure of the neurotic alcoholic individual.

The first part of the book discusses methods, with particular stress on twelve steps in the recovery program. This program includes the general principles of psychotherapy found in such books as those by Durfee and Peabody. There is, however, an essentially new note, namely, that the alcoholic individual should be helped to admit to God, to himself and to another human being (preferably an ex-alcoholic patient) the exact nature of his personality deficit Some will perhaps shy from the emphasis on God and religion until it is realized that the alcoholic patient is asked in this relation to believe sincerely in a power greater than himself. He then sees that his life is really unmanageable without this power.

The second part contains the stories of twenty-nine individuals who were cured by the method of working out their character problems in relation to God, themselves and another human being. All these individuals were "convinced by an ex-alcoholic therapist" Those who at some time must deal with the problem of alcoholism are urged to read this stimulating account

The authors have presented their case well, in fact, in such good style that it may be of considerable influence when read by alcoholic patients.

Bloggers note; The Big Book of AA has now sold over 25 million copies and has helped over 100 million people recover from alcoholism and about 500 other maladies – not just alcoholism.

See also;

Stools and Bottles

The booklet Stools and Bottles uses the concept of a barstool (the seat and three legs) and eight bottles to represent the importance of the first four steps (of the Twelve Steps) of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The author began using this concept in a prior book called The Little Red Book and it got so popular that the concept was expanded into its own book.

The Stool

The author begins the book by talking about the “seat” of the stool. The seat, by itself, is “as useless, incomplete, and undependable as the shaky alcoholic it upholds”. For the seat to function, it needs three legs to uphold it, just like the alcoholic needs the first three steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) for support. The author says that the three legs represent the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of recovery for the alcoholic.

The first leg of the stool represents the First Step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. This is the physical aspect, and the physical illness is what usually brings the alcoholic to Alcoholics Anonymous. In this chapter, the author discusses how alcohol is actually a poison for the alcoholic, not a beverage because “when we drink it, we get sick”.

The second leg of the stool represents the Second Step: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. This is the mental aspect. The author discusses the insanity of drinking alcohol: “Drinking, we lack the natural instinct of self-preservation, which violates the first principle of sanity: namely, the will to survive”. The second leg of the stool, like the Second Step of A.A., is still incomplete but will stand if propped against something more powerful and stable than itself.

The third leg of the stool represents the Third Step of A.A.: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. This is the spiritual aspect. The author discusses A.A.’s philosophy of finding a power greater than ourselves and states than unless an alcoholic finds something more important than alcohol, then there is nothing to live for.

The Bottles

Now the stool is complete as a support system to hold the alcoholic up, but the alcoholic must also take action for him- or herself. The author uses the visual aid of eight bottles to represent the Fourth Step of A.A., which is: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. The author discusses A.A.’s belief that the alcoholic must put their character defects on paper because these are what has separated them from God and made their lives unmanageable. The author lists the eight most common character defects, which lead to mental drunkenness, which then leads to physical drunkenness. In the book, each of the eight character defects are listed on the eight bottles as follows:

Resentment (A.A. Rotgut)
Dishonesty (Double-crosser’s Highball)
Criticism (Home-brewed Dissension)
Self-Pity (The Crying Jag of A.A.)
Intolerance (Unadulterated Sourpuss Juice)
Jealousy (Dynamite Cocktail)
Anger (TNT Special)
Fear (A.A. Jitters)

Highly recommended for people in early stages of recovery because it explains the importance of working the Steps of the Twelve Step program.

Blogger’s comment; Worked for me!

See also;

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You Say & the Higher Power Says

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. Whether its alcoholism, addiction, depression, gambling, co-dependency or relationships we shouldn’t lose heart. The Higher Power is at work in our lives, helping us in recovery even in the midst of pain and suffering.

Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground it just may be a smoke signal that summons the goodwill of The Higher Power.

For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, The Higher Power has a positive answer for it.

Here is one example from Christianity;

“It’s impossible” Bible says: All things are possible (Luke 18:27)
“I’m too tired” Bible says: I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-30)
“Nobody really loves me” Bible says: I love you (John 3:16 & John 3:34)
“I can’t go on” Bible says: My grace is sufficient (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
“I can’t figure things out” Bible says: I will direct your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)
“I can’t do it” Bible says: You can do all things (Philippians 4:13)
“I’m not able” Bible says: I am able (II Corinthians 9:8)
“It’s not worth it” Bible says: It will be worth it (Roman 8:28)
“I can’t forgive myself” Bible says: I Forgive you (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
“I can’t manage” Bible says: I will supply all your needs (Philippians 4:19)
“I’m afraid” Bible says: I have not given you a spirit of fear (II Timothy 1:7)
“I’m always worried and frustrated” Bible says: Cast all your cares on ME (I Peter 5:7)
“I don’t have enough faith” Bible says: I’ve given everyone a measure of faith (Romans 12:3)
“I’m not smart enough” Bible says: I give you wisdom (I Corinthians 1:30)
“I feel all alone” Bible says: I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Believe The Higher Power is there just for you.

See also;
Man’s Search for Meaning
THE TWELVE REWARDS OF SOBRIETY

Surrender to Win

The Higher Power Is Good

"Before Alcoholics Anonymous, I could not, or would not, admit I was wrong. My pride would not let me. And yet I was ashamed of me. Caught in this conflict, I banished the Higher Power from my life because I felt He asked me to adhere to a behavior pattern too high for a man of my human frailty. Somehow, I believed that there could be no forgiveness of any failure, that he Higher Power required me to be all good. The moral of the story of the Prodigal Son eluded me.

"Since I thought trying was not enough, I stopped trying. That made me feel guilty. For a while, alcohol blotted out the guilt. Then alcohol became the greatest cause of my guilt. I had to be beaten to a pulp physically, mentally and emotionally, become bankrupt in all facets of my being, before I could give up my pride and admit defeat.

Unfortunately, admitting was not sufficient. My situation got worse until I had to surrender completely. From the depths of my hell, I called out, "Oh God, help," and He led me to a place where I could find a way out of the maze and then sent me a group of people to lead the way."

From; Came to Believe, 2004, pg.86, an Alcoholics Anonymous book.

See also;

23rd Psalm for Recovery
Alcoholic Insanity
Why the HP Actually Works
Faith It Till You Make It – A Recovery Book
A Woman’s Spirit

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The Admit It Paradox

Any attempt to deceive will ultimately end up wasting your precious time. Live the truth of who you are, and it will bring out the best you can be.

Admit to being frightened, and your courage will grow.
Admit to not knowing, and you will learn.
Admit your weaknesses, and you’ll become stronger.
Admit your mistakes, and you’ll begin to move past them.
Admit you don’t know what to say, and you’ll have said just the right thing.
Admit that you’re confused, and you’ll begin to understand.
Admit that you’re hurting, and you’ll begin to heal.
Admit that you care, and the things that truly matter will grow stronger.

Being honest with yourself, with others and in life, can often be difficult and intimidating. Yet honesty is always the most reliable, the most direct route to truly attain whatever you seek.

A Paradox

We SURRENDER TO WIN. On the face of it, surrendering certainly does not seem like winning. But it is in 12 Step recovery. Only after we have come to the end of our rope, hit a stone wall in some aspect of our lives beyond which we can go no further; only when we hit ’bottom’ in despair and surrender, can we accomplish sobriety which we could never accomplish before. We must, and we do, surrender in order to win.

See also;

Methadone Anonymous

From Methadone Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Have you ever attended a 12-step meeting and were not allowed to “share” because you are a methadone patient? Have you ever gone to one of these meetings and felt like you could not be honest about being a methadone patient because there were things you needed to talk about? If so, Methadone Anonymous may be for you.

Preamble

We, of Methadone Anonymous, believe that methadone is a therapeutic tool of recovery that may or may not be discontinued in time, dependent upon the needs of the individual.

We believe that continued abstinence from opiates and other chemicals, including alcohol, is the foremost goal of recovery. It is the purpose of this fellowship to learn to develop a positive lifestyle, live in harmony with ourselves and the rest of the world, and to help those of us who still suffer from chemical dependency of any kind to achieve and maintain sobriety

We are a fellowship of men and women who are current and former methadone patients. Together we have formed a 12-step recovery organization to help each other recover from addiction. Welcome to our community!