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Children, Adult Children and partners of alcoholics often develop seven ways or attitudes to deal with the drinker. These are;

1. Guilt and shame implied by the alcoholic about causing them to drink excessively
2. If I caused alcoholism, I must be able to find a remedy
3. If I can’t cure it I can control the behaviour and drinking
4. Avoiding self-care in deference to the alcoholics needs
5. Fearfully not expressing own needs and feelings
6. Making poorly considered decisions – unhealthy, irrational
7. Belittling self, abilities, accomplishments and potential

In recovery children of alcoholics and co-dependents learn to reverse these attitudes. Quite simply these principles are life attitudes.

The Seven C’s of Another Persons Alcoholism – Detachment

1. I didn’t Cause it
2. I can’t Cure it
3. I can’t Control it
4. I can take better Care of myself by
5. Communicating my feelings, and
6. Making healthy Choices, and
7. Celebrating myself.

These simple changes can facilitate ‘detachment’ from the alcoholic who then may take responsibility for their disease.

Seven Alternative Responses

I have often used this simple formula as a decision tree when considering my responses to any situation and not just an alcoholic situation. For example;

1. Would my response be driven by a recent or distant shameful action by the alcoholic or myself?
2. Is my proposed response a strategy in another attempt to cure the disease of alcoholism?
3. Am I trying to control the alcoholic behaviour with this potential response?
4. My self-care may suffer with this response. How can I take better care of myself? Or, protect myself? Or, promote my self-esteem?
5. This response may hide my feelings from the alcoholic. How can I better communicate my feelings and needs – if I need to?
6. What is a better way to make healthy choices? Should I talk to an experienced person (In Al-anon or ACOA or Alateen), a counselor? Should I avoid drinking myself or eating for comfort – or any other avoidance practice?
7. My personal assertion; I am a good person. I am unique and capable of detaching from the alcoholic and all my other troubles. I have feelings and needs of my own not governed by the alcoholic.

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