Many people in recovery from alcoholism, addiction, co-dependency and compulsive gambling may identify with these points. They may be the victim, the perpetrator or an observer. These reasons apply to heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual and transsexual people.
Additionally, just because someone is in recovery does not exclude them from being difficult in relationships.
Why would a woman stay in a relationship with a guy who puts her down, hems her in, and perhaps even physically abuses her? Why would a woman hold down two jobs to keep the rent paid and food on the table while her boyfriend sits around smoking weed all day? Why oh why would a woman allow herself to be emotionally blackmailed by her boyfriend’s threats that he will kill himself or her or both if she even talks about leaving a relationship that is going nowhere?
There’s no easy answer. Often it’s a complicated mix of a number of answers. If you wonder why on earth you stay with the guy who keeps hurting you in spite of promises to do better, in spite of protestations that he loves you, in spite of your obvious distress about how things are going, see if you recognize yourself in any of these common reasons.
But please be careful not to jump to conclusions based on a list. It’s not at all uncommon for relationships to have some challenging times. Reasons for staying become problems when they become excuses or ways we fool ourselves into believing that things aren’t that bad when in fact they are.
If you keep getting hurt; if you know in your heart that the relationship is diminishing you but you still keep going back for more, it may be time for you to get into therapy or to find the resources in your community that help women extricate themselves from a controlling or abusive relationship.
8 Bad Reasons Women Stay in Painful Relationships
- Because being someone’s everything is intoxicating stuff – at least at first.
- Because these guys can be absolutely charming.
- Because you don’t feel you deserve any better.
- Because you don’t know any better.
- Because he scares you or manipulates you.
- Because you truly believe you can change him.
- Because you are more afraid of being alone again than of being in a painful relationship.
- Because you love him.
If you are always on the giving end in the relationship; if you’ve accepted indifference, abuse, or manipulation because you don’t believe you deserve or can get better, it’s time to take charge of your life and to make some changes.
If your guy will agree, try out couples therapy. Couples can and do change with commitment to the process and love for each other.
If your boyfriend won’t join you in the project, get some therapy for yourself. Build up your self-esteem, develop the skills you need to be successful in the world, and increase your confidence in yourself. A stronger you will be able to hold out for the loving relationship that you deserve.
- For a full discussion of these points see; Psych Central