The important thing I lost was my own self-respect.
I could feel fear coming into my life. I couldn’t face people. I couldn’t look them straight in the eyes, although I had always been a self-possessed, brazen person. I’d brazen anything out. I lied like a trooper to get out of many scrapes.
But I felt a fear coming into my life, and I couldn’t cope with it. I got so that I hid quite a bit of the time, wouldn’t answer the phone, and stayed by myself as much as I could. I noticed that I was avoiding all my social friends, except for my bridge club.
I couldn’t keep up with many of my other friends, and I wouldn’t go to anyone’s house unless I knew they drank as heavily as I did. I never knew it was the first drink that did it.
I thought I was losing my mind when I realized that I couldn’t stop drinking. That frightened me terribly."
From the book Alcoholics Anonymous, pgs. 291-92.