Some insightful questions to examine possible relationship problems in recovery.
- I must be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
- I value other’s approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own.
- I agree with others so they will like me.
- I focus my attention on protecting others, even from themselves.
- I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
- I keep score of "good deeds and favors," becoming very hurt when they are not repaid.
- I am very skilled at guessing how other people are feeling.
- I can anticipate others’ needs and desire, meeting them before they are asked to be met.
- I become resentful when others will not let me help them.
- I am calm and efficient in other people’s crisis situations.
- I feel good about myself only when I am helping others.
- I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
- I put aside my own interests and concerns in order to do what others want.
- I ask for help and nurturing only when I am ill, and then reluctantly.
- I cannot tolerate seeing others in pain.
- I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
- I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.
- I attempt to convince others of how they "truly" think and "should" feel.
- I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of others.
If you answered ‘yes’ to several of these Al-anon or ACOA may help.
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