The insanity of the first drink
I would like to share with the group the insanity of me picking up a drink three weeks ago after 18mths of sobriety. Looking back now to the weeks before I picked up that drink, I can see the signs, I stopped praying and reading my morning meditations, I became bored with meetings, and I became too tired to go to meetings, and I thought that I was too clever to need meetings.
I remember the moment I decided to pick up the drink as if it was yesterday, I decided that I would go and get a cask of wine, hide it under my bed and just have just one drink before I went to bed each night. I didn’t pick up the phone to talk to anyone; I just didn’t put up any fight against having that drink. It took only around an hour and I was right back into that dark hole again, no consideration of what the consequences would be and not caring about how it would hurt my family and friends.
I drank for two days, without eating. And I remember the terrible fear that I had when I tried to start eating again. I remember the insanity of thinking I wish someone would find me, and another part of me not wanting to be found.
I am grateful that my daughter rang my sponsor; she came around and got me back into AA again.
It has been a big learning curve for me, and I am grateful to my higher power guiding me back into the fellowship.