Codependents and alcoholics/ addicts adopt behaviours and temporary personality traits. These behaviours are not deliberate or premeditated. They are built up very slowly over a period of time, bit-by-bit.

Adult children of alcoholism may have started their process in childhood. Other codependents may have begun adapting when they set out on a relationship with an alcoholic/ addict.

Alcoholics, addicts, gamblers, workaholics often report they started changing soon after they began their particular addictive behaviour.

All of these people only report their actions in retrospect. That is after they have begun recovery and returned to spiritual lives. While they are practicing these abnormal activities they cannot see their own pain and the effects on others. This is sometimes called denial but in reality its an ‘unknowing’ blocking out of awareness.

Some of the behaviours can be named and described as follows;

Controller – Person who cannot allow anyone to grow or be anything other than what they want them to be

Dual Personality – Person who can change “hats” at the drop of a dime, between portraying a rational person and the other one irrational. It’s like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Narcissist. Has a total disregard for human characteristics of anyone around them including abusing and destroying any hopes and dreams of those around them. This person has absolutely no conscience and uses whatever laws, Biblical references, and popular social theories to support whatever convoluted ideas that they have about the way spouses, children, and others should live. According to their philosophy, everything revolves around themselves for their own good.

Guilt-Giver - Person who blames others through sophisticated means of implying that everyone else is guilty of the problem but the person who is responsible himself.

Intimidator – Person who issues threats that violate the rights of another person to freedom, peace, or joy. This includes vindictive ex-spouses who threaten to take the children away from the non-custodial spouse and so forth.

Manipulator – Person similar to a controller except using devious methodology to obtain results, including lying, turning words around to play head games with individuals, and so forth

Missing Parent – Parent who intentionally stays away from their children, essentially writing their child out of their life. The child grows up with a sense of eternal loss. This situation compounded with the other parent being of the intimidator causes more pain to children than can be imagined.

Obsessed Parent – Parent who has convoluted ideas of living their childhood through their children or who will not allow their children to grow and mature at a normal rate. This includes parents who try to get their children to act like adults before they are old enough or parents who treat their grown children like juveniles

Perfectionist – Person who has their own ideals of what is right and wrong and finds the imperfections in everything around them

Sarcastic Clown - Person who mocks you through laughter in front of other persons with insults that are made through supposed jokes.

Screamer – Person with a volcanic personality that explodes whenever there’s too much pressure. This person expresses himself through the power of rage that gives him a sense of being powerful, invincible, and in control. Couple this personality trait with a large man or woman and you will find instant fear for all those around them.

Tyrant – Person who demands impossible behaviours be accomplished such as infants being quiet 24 hours a day, keeping tabs on the time spent by their spouse or adult children with activities such as going to the grocery store. Obsesses and believes that they are always being talked about to others. These persons are also very obsessed with the idea that their spouse is having an affair and spend their spare time either degrading that person or attempting to find all of their alleged lovers to catch them in the act.

Related Reading:

Obsessed: America's Food Addiction--and My Own
Seven Weeks to Sobriety: The Proven Program to Fight Alcoholism through Nutrition
Love Is a Choice: The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
The Spirituality of Imperfection: Storytelling and the Search for Meaning