Alcoholics, addicts and co-dependents use many and varied combinations of these. Identify yours and work to eliminate them.
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us – Alexander Graham Bell
Defence and denial mechanisms are used by all human beings and may be necessary for survival in some situations.
We’ve all used defences and denial to distance ourselves from distressing feelings and maintain a sense of emotional stability. Our defence and denial patterns began in childhood when they prevented us from becoming overwhelmed with anxiety. However, as an adult we outgrow their usefulness. If we continue to use outgrown defences or denial, we are more likely to create rigid constrained relationships and risk never truly encountering another human being.
Part of recovery is identifying our defences and denials. If we can discover which defences we use, we can replace outgrown ones with more healthy ones. Defences and denial are not conscious excuses to avoid problems. Actually, we are usually unaware we are using them.
- rationalization: providing “explanations” to excuse inconsistent or irrational behavior, and not being aware that this is happening.
- minimizing: protecting yourself from worry or anxiety by viewing significant events or problem behaviors as being less important (smaller) than they actually are.
- externalization: believing outside forces or circumstances are the cause of your self-destructive behaviors. This defence mechanism allows you to avoid accepting responsibility for behavior.
- intellectualisation: using lengthy argument or small detail (deflecting behavior) to distract from the task at hand.
- projection: attributing your own undesirable traits or thoughts onto another person.
- displacement: redirecting emotions such as anger form the source of frustration, and discharging them onto other persons, objects, or ideas.
- undoing: engaging in behavior designed to symbolically make amends for or negate previously unacceptable thoughts, feelings, or actions. This is not to be confused with actual and direct amends made to persons we may have harmed.
- regression: returning to a less mature level of behavior.
- fantasy: escaping from an unpleasant or undesirable situation through daydreaming, “tuning out”, or not paying attention.
- acting-out: acting without reflection or apparent regard for negative consequences.
- passive aggression: indirectly and unassertively expressing aggression toward others.