“Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man or woman no flavour for their fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We’d hardly be human if we didn’t. What can we do about them?
Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.” Alcoholics Anonymous, pp 69.
The Good-Enough Sex idea
The “Good-Enough Sex” model presents a commonsense yet comprehensive perspective that challenges simplistic notions of sex and encourages couples to pursue positive, realistic meaning in their intimate lives.
With the Good-Enough Sex model, intimacy is the ultimate focus, with pleasure as important as function, and mutual emotional acceptance as the environment.
Sex is integrated into the couple’s daily life and daily life is integrated into their sex life to create the couple’s unique sexual style.
Living daily life well – with its responsibilities, stresses, and conflicts – provides the opportunity to experience sexual interactions in a subtly yet distinctively personalized and enriched way.
Sex at times is experienced as pleasure, stress relief, mature playfulness, and on another occasion as a spiritual union.
Intimate couples can value multiple purposes for sex and use several styles of arousal.
Good-Enough Sex is congruent with the couple’s genuine lifestyle. Good-Enough Sex recognizes that among satisfied couples the quality of sex varies from day to day and from very good to mediocre or even dysfunctional. Such reasonable expectations are an important feature of sexual satisfaction as well as inoculating the couple from disappointment and sexual problems in the future.
The Good-Enough Sex perspective serves as the foundation for relationship and sexual satisfaction.