I am a Cocaine Addict

My name is Paul and I am a Cocaine Addict.

I was born in Liverpool, the second son in a family of five boys and one girl. My father was a Liverpool dockworker who used to come home from work via the pub every night. I remember my parents would fight physically, and more often than not my Dad would be so drunk my Mum would win.

My elder brother used to climb out of the window and go to the phone box at the top of our street. Using a false name he would call the police to report a disturbance at our address then calmly climb back through the window and go to sleep. I knew the effect alcohol had on people I had seen first hand the destructive nature of drunkards and I swore I would never drink and I would never be like my Dad. I was going to be famous a rock star or an actor. I didn’t really mind which, just rich and famous.

Around the age of twelve my best friend’s Dad was different. He owned the local chemist shop…Hmmmm. My friend and I used to sneak his father’s keys late at night when every one else was asleep and we would read from a big blue book which listed illnesses of every kind and what drugs should be prescribed for each malady. It also listed what the side effects of each drug were. These side effects where of most interest to us and we experimented as often as we could. By the age of fifteen I was drinking alcohol because we discovered it turned on the side effects quicker.

I had moved out of the family home by the age of seventeen. I found my parents really cramped my style. I moved to Southport to work on the fairground. Phrases like “The louder you scream the faster you go” and “When the red light flickers hold on to your knickers” became my catch phrases and my drinking became a daily habit.

My favourite drug at this time was speed. I had discovered it in slimming tablet form in earlier years but was now was buying it seven grams at a time in powder form. I loved it. I could drink as much as I wanted never GETTING DRUNK, staying up for seventy odd hours at a time and then finally having sleeping tablets on the third night to knock myself out. Life was very full and I could see no harm in living life with the sole purpose of enjoying every single minute of it.

Of course the side effects of this life style was waking up in police cells occasionally, or waking up with broken bones or other not so easy to fix ailments that required hospital treatment. At this time encounters such as these were “par for the course” or “occupational hazards” and I always bounced back very quickly. I did everything very quickly. I lived in squats or stayed in the “Crazy Cottage” or “The Pirates Caves” at the fairground. Paying someone rent was not my style. I HAD MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO WITH MY MONEY. Someone brought a gram of cocaine to a house I was in. I was totally unimpressed “How Much? £60 for that, you must be f***ing joking!” I didn’t ask about see or hear about cocaine again until ten years later.

I was sacked from the fairground for Gross Misconduct. I claimed unfair dismissal and settled for £1300 out of court settlement. It was 1981 I was 20 years old and the plans I had for that money were carefully thought out– fantastic plans. Deposit for a house. Holiday. New motorbike. It was gone in three weeks with nothing to show. Only great stories of how I had spent it. Grandiose, yes I was. I worked for cash in hand for a rival fair ground company. I worked hard I showed the company who sacked me what a mistake they had made. I lost my driving licence for drunk driving.

Full story at Cocaine Anonymous