Many people have dysfunctional beliefs.
Not all of these are in one person but if there is a great many then that person may be dysfunctional. Alcoholics, addicts, codependents and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA’s) may identify.
Some of these dysfunctional beliefs are;
- That I can control my emotions.
- That I can control someone else’s emotions or actions or thoughts.
- That I deserve:
- . . .to get something good.
- . . .to get something bad.
- . . .to be punished for mistakes.
- . . .to be rewarded for perfection.
- . . .to be rewarded for good behaviour, intentions, thoughts, feelings, whatever.
- That I can “make” sense out of anything.
- That I am responsible for
- . . .for achieving other peoples success.
- . . .for other people’s feelings, thoughts or actions.
- That I am not responsible for my own actions; that it is all someone else’s fault.
- That my feelings have to be acted on. (e.g., when I’m afraid, I should attack or flee.)
- That I can solve other people’s problems; or that they can solve mine.
- That wishing or wanting equals doing.
- That I am capable of a “perfect action.”
- That if I do something somebody doesn’t like, even if that person is totally unreasonable, I am bad.
- That if only I had the right tools, I could do it right.
- That if I do nothing about it; if I can erase myself or disappear; the problem will go away.
- That I have to be careful not to make other people angry.
- That lying changes reality.
- That other people’s expectations of me have to be lived up to.
- That if only I do the right thing, everything will turn out okay.
- That if only I think the right thoughts, everything will turn out okay.
- That if only I feel the right feelings, everything will turn out okay.
- That those who hurt me deserve to be punished for their “sins,” and if God doesn’t punish them, I should.
- That I can punish someone by hurting myself.
- That if I am “weak” (vulnerable, helpless, needing assistance), then I am just like my dad/mom who I had to care for as a child.
- That if I sit and do nothing in my chair, I am useless.
- That I am “wrong,” “imperfect,” or “not the way I’m supposed to be.”
- That my guilt is the right way of defining myself.
- That my charm is the right way of defining myself for other people.
- That I can not talk and still get better.
- That. . . . . . . . .
See also;
- 10 Secretes of Happy Relationships
- Days of Healing, Days of Joy – A Recovery Book
- What are the Styles of Enablers?
- Emotional Sobriety – A Recovery Book
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