Fight Fairly and Keep the Peace in Your Relationship
7 dispute diffusers and tips for improving the way you argue.
People in recovery from addiction, alcoholism or co-dependency may need to consider the manner in which they conduct relationship disputes.
Becky Robbins says she and her husband, Neil — married for eight years — rarely fight.
That doesn’t mean that there isn’t conflict. It’s just that she screams “kind of like the queen in Alice in Wonderland,” uttering phrases reminiscent of “off with their heads.” Neil responds like most guys in marriage fights. He hides in “the bedroom playing video games.”
What qualifies as fighting fair in marriage essentially comes down to how each partner feels when they leave the ring. If both are hearty “boxers” who love a few rounds in the ring and then are ready for some make-up sex, the marriage is probably fine.
How to Keep the Peace
Experts on wedded bliss — some with the pedigree of education and others with the scars of experience — have recommended the following strategies for smoothing things over:
- Go to bed angry.
- Take a break.
- Own up to your part of the fight.
- Find the humor.
- Shut up and touch.
- Ban the “but.”
- Remember what’s important.
Therapists also say that it’s important to realize that no marriage is perfect and that fighting is often part of the ebb and flow of compromise.
I have come to realize that we are not normal,” Robbins says. “But as they say, ‘Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine.’”
Full story at Tips on How to Fight Fairly