Recovery Sex in Later Life
Keeping your Sex Life Fun and Active
Recovery brings many challenges. Not the least of these is ones sexuality. While drinking or drugging and even some codependent people may have stopped having sex or been so affected by chemicals that normal sex became difficult, odd, or different. Additionally new relationships may be formed in recovery that have a different perspective. This is even more so for people who have come to recovery in the older age groups.
This article discusses some of the issues for people in those age groups – the over 50’s.
As you age, you and your partner will probably experience a number of physical and emotional changes that can have an impact on your level of intimacy, sexual activity and pleasure.
Just because things change, that doesn’t mean you have to forget about what has been a source of pleasure and an important part of your life and your relationship.
You may just have to try new things and get a bit creative. As we age, sex may not happen as often and it may take a little longer. But taking longer doesn’t make it any less fun; in fact, it can make it even more fun.
While your sex drives may decrease with age (related to dropping levels of testosterone in both women and men), they should not decrease substantially.
Here are a few tips to help you “use it” so you don’t “lose it.”
Think differently about sex.
Sex is more than just penetration. All kinds of touch are stimulating and pleasurable. Take the time to explore each other’s bodies and find out what turns you on. Touch is a great alternative or addition to intercourse. It can simply mean holding each other. It can also mean sensual massage, masturbation or oral sex.
And there is nothing wrong with sex for sex’s sake. If you are in a long-term or monogamous relationship, keeping sexually active doesn’t always have to mean that you are both in the mood. Sometimes it can just mean taking a bit of time to give your partner pleasure because that is what you want to do for them. Masturbation (self or mutual) is also a way to keep sexually active.
Use it!
It’s hard to get back into any activity if you haven’t done it for a while, so maintaining an active sex life can be the solution! You don’t always have to wait for both partners to have both the time and the inclination. Sex should always be a mutual agreement, but sometimes you might want to stimulate yourself or engage in short sexual intercourse sessions with your partner, just to keep active and interested. Find different ways to satisfy each other (or yourself) and to keep sexually active.
Perform oral sex on each other more often.
Both men and women enjoy being on the receiving end of oral sex. Not everyone likes to give it. If you’re uncomfortable giving oral sex, figure out what’s bothering you. Do you think it’s wrong or dirty? Are you unsure of what to do? Do you dislike the taste? Talk with your partner and see if you can discover a solution to make it more fun for you.
- Mutual masturbation or short sexual activity will give you both a brief encounter with a great release. Not all sexual activity has to be long and leisurely. If you’re pressed for time or have conflicting schedules, something quick helps keep you connected.
- Use a lubricant and use it generously. Make it a part of your sensual overture. It will help increase the woman’s natural lubrication, reduce irritation or make a penis slippery for manual stimulation.
Communicate.
Communication through talking and touching brings you and your partner closer together. Opening up the lines of communication, when both partners are willing to try something a bit different, can be arousing in itself. Try it and see what happens.
- Discuss the changes you are going through and how you can accommodate each other during sex.
- Try different positions, a little bit of lubrication, massage, cuddling. Ask your partner about his or her needs. Instead of saying what you don’t like or criticising, try being positive and offering an alternative. “Instead of…” is a great starter. “Instead of starting lying down on the bed, let’s try starting by standing up in the hallway.”
- Share your fantasies and try making each other’s fantasies come true. Explore erotica – stories or movies can be fun to share – and see if you can find something that turns you both on.
Change your routine.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of making a few small changes in your routine. Change the time of day when you have sex to the time when you have the most energy.
- Try the morning instead of at the end of a long day.
- Try a new position. Even changing your usual side of the bed adds a bit of variety.
- If you always do it in the bedroom, try another room in the house if your family situation allows you a bit more privacy at certain times.
- If you always do it on the weekends, try a few mid-week breaks.
- Give yourself the time you need to get aroused and enjoy the journey.
Create romance.
While it may take a little longer to get aroused, take that time to explore each other’s bodies and put a little bit of romance back into your lives together.
- Light a candle.
- Give each other a Sensual Massage
- Dress up (or down!).
- Take a shower or a bath together.
- Buy something sexy for your partner or yourself and stimulate your partner visually.
Say “I love you.”
Making sure your partner knows that you love them adds romance and creates a stronger bond of trust that will help you deal with aging together. It will help open the doors so frank discussions about sex are possible.
Have reasonable expectations.
If you didn’t have lots of sex early in your relationship or through your middle years, it is likely that you are not going to start to have lots of sex as an older adult or couple. Partners who enjoyed frequent sex when they were younger are more likely to continue that pattern as they age. Something to think about as you enter middle age!
Take care of yourself.
A healthy diet, regular exercise and relaxing activities keep your body and mind in good shape. Regular exercise can increase sexual frequency and improve performance. Taking care of your body and your mind will help keep you primed for sex, at any age!
See also;
- Women’s Sexual Arousal
- Women’s Sexual Fantasies
- Drugs That Affect Sex
- Sex and Intimacy in Recovery
- Subscribe to Recovery Is Sexy by e-Mail
| Sex & satisfaction: how to make it better as you get older by Barry W. McCarthy |
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