My name is Dave and I am an alcoholic and also a compulsive gambler. I have been around the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for 10 years.
During that time, I managed to stay sober” for long periods, but then I would “bust” again, always kidding myself that I again had “control” over my drinking. More especially, when I would go through a night’s drinking without having a “black-out”.
The “blackouts” were always very prominent during my drinking. Then I would go back to the meetings, and get on an emotional high and then could stay “sober” for months on end. But ….that is all I would do.
Two months ago, I had “one drink too many??, and I finally lost everything – including my wife, children and home.
I have accepted this today as I feel this was meant to happen to me to enable me to have a look at myself. I know now that I had only been playing games with AA in the past.
Now, for the first time, I am trying to do something constructive about bringing about a progressive personality change. ‘This is working the program. As I reflect back over the past five years. I was the same guy who had walked through the doors of AA. I had been, sheer “hell” to live with and to live with myself has been a great battle.
Step 2 suggests that we “CAME TO BELIEVE IN A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES.
I thought I didn’t need that. I had “self knowledge” and was attending meetings “fairly regular.” It has taken me five years to realise just how wrong I had been.
I pray today that I never forget what I am going through at this moment of rock bottom which was needed for me to be able to stand on my own two feet and DO something about myself.
The Fellowship of A.A. is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me, and for this I am most grateful.
No one has to tell me that it is the only salvation for the alcoholic, who can become honest with him or herself.