I know I became decidedly unsexy toward the end of my drinking.
Towards the end of my drinking I was separated from my wife, I had become unemployable and the quality of my relationships, sexual and otherwise, was in decline.
Living in a boarding house full of sexy people full of vitality I was isolated with low self-esteem and poor confidence. People would try to engage me in conversation and unless I had been drinking I could not return their interest or kindness.
I would go to bars and needed to get a few drinks under my belt before I could relax enough to make an attempt at talking to others. Usually I would just sit at the bar and watch and envy others.
Often I would get ‘normal’ with enough alcohol and then leave to seek companionship in another bar. I had become paranoid about people watching me. Well, I was watching them and I imagined them watching me.
I would pick a bar that I had not visited for awhile to avoid any comeback from any stupid things I might have done before.
As time went on and I became more desperate to drink the quality of the bars that I visited declined and my hopeless aspirations for sexual partners caused me to seek dangerous liaisons.
I was reasonable good looking and still had a fairly good physique. I could hold a reasonable conversation and body language seemed to be positive.
But, these aspects was becoming unsexy also.
Often my presentation would be off. My hair untidy, teeth dirty, clothes not ironed, shoes dirty and sometimes a bit smelly. I was also developing a bit of a ‘pot’ belly.
My speech was becoming less refined and course and concentration in a conversation was declining.
My work was an amazing journey in those days. I was progressing up the corporate ladder and eventually promoted. Only to be sacked two weeks later for self-centered insubordination.
My wife was living in the same town and occasionally we would get together for great sex. This usually happened when my drinking was less and hers was increasing (although she was not an alcoholic). We would end the session in love again or arguing and threatening each other.
At the end I could not go on drinking. I was hurting and hurting others and had an incidence of domestic violence. I was scared and definitely not interested in any involved relationship. Sex was all I wanted and that was becoming less and less enjoyable.
Definitely not sexy anymore.
Wonderful! Women and one man made advances to me shortly after I acquired a desire to stop drinking and stay stopped. NB: Yes I did say women, plural and I rejected the man – not my thing.
Unbelievably I resisted any sexual liaisons at first. But within six months my sex life was better than ever.
I was a bit scarred at first; Could I do it sober? Yes! I could and everything worked better than when I was drinking. No more brewers droop J. And the sensations of sex were even better than when I was a near virgin.
Regaining my sexuality is an amazing experience with a new appreciation of life and the wonderful opposite sex.
What other aspects of recovered sexuality are there? Share yours so that others can gain sexual freedom from alcohol, drugs or co-dependency.