My name is Chris and I am an alcoholic. Some months back these would have been strange words for me to write. Today I know different, as Alcoholics Anonymous has given me the chance to see myself for what I am. Before coming to AA I had painted a pretty good picture of myself, a fellow who could work hard, drink hard, be relied upon and a good breadwinner.
Today I know different and can see just how transparent that painting was.
The times I overdid the grogging up and they were very numerous, over my last five years of drinking I all-ways had an answer reason or an excuse – pressure of work or need of a holiday and all that kind of hogwash I used to get myself into all kinds of troubles’ but the other chap was always at fault never me and least of all, the grog.
The remorse and tortured mind should have been enough warning that grog was my enemy, but to me it was my friend and, as the hard working fellow I imagined myself, wasn’t I entitled to a few stings and if I overdid it’ wasn’t that my business?
Actually my life had become one long drunk, my thoughts never sober long enough to see how unmanageable my life had become destroying all the things in life I wanted – my family home and farm and responsibility to the community.
However, the inevitable happened I crashed head long into this alcoholic pit I had created not knowing which way to turn let alone have the strength to get back on my feet and climb to the top.
It was in this frame of mind I reluctantly came to AA not really believing it could help me as all my other methods at beating grog had failed so why should AA work To be honest, I didn’t want it to work as I couldn’t imagine life without grog, perhaps AA would help me to drink normally.
Today I know different for AA has shown me how wrong my thinking was and if I wanted to live a sober life then not to take that first drink.
Everything that AA and fellow members have offered me have only been suggestions.
Living one-day-at-a-time, the Twelve Steps and living the AA way of life.
Looking back this has been the key point in my admitting I was an alcoholic. Here I was among people I could identify myself with never asking me why and always willing to help and encourage me. The program didn’t come easy it took me about six months to really get interested but I know now that this new way of life is my last chance and by living and thinking the AA way one day at a time I will maintain the peace of mind and serenity I’ve had today.