What can you do for your alcoholic? Suggestions 6

Posted by Sparrow
May 25, 2008

What can you do for your alcoholic? Suggestions 6

It is important to put the responsibility for dealing with the alcohol problem squarely on the person in question while continuing to love him or her. What works depends on the individual.

Doing the "right" thing can depend on how severe the alcohol problem is and on how in touch with it the person in question seems to be. What works for someone who is highly functional in daily life and who knows that alcohol is causing trouble, for instance, may not be the solution for someone who denies that there is a problem.

This article is broken down into Ten Suggestions as follows;

  1. Don’t make it easy for the drinker to keep on drinking
  2. Don’t stop loving them
  3. Don’t nag, criticize, preach, or complain
  4. Address the drinking problem directly
  5. Seek help
  6. Detach, separate, walk away
  7. Set a good example
  8. Take care of yourself
  9. Be there for them when they’re ready
  10. Learn about the disease

Suggestion #6: Detach, separate, walk away

Somewhat at odds with the message of continuing love and compassion is the more "tough-love" message that comes from many people - some of whom gave both suggestions. A more compassionate approach may be in order in the beginning, but a time may come, particularly after you’ve tried to help repeatedly and failed, when you need to walk away from the situation. One suggests, "If it’s adversely affecting you, don’t put up with it. It’s hard to do, but sometimes losing the people you love is what it takes for the message to sink in."

Another advises, "Decide how much you are willing to put up with. Let the person know what will happen if he doesn’t stop. And whatever you decide, stick to it. Don’t make idle threats." Regretting that her limits were "pretty blurred" when he was drinking, his wife suggests that you need to "set limits for yourself and be prepared to act on them. This will help you survive and communicate that there is a serious problem in the house."

It’s essential, as one guy emphasizes, for loved ones to "firmly withdraw from the alcoholic if he threatens the family’s or any family member’s security or well-being." Likewise, a counselor stresses the need to separate from a drinker who is physically abusive.

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