As a co-dependent
As a co-dependent I always felt that my loved one’s drinking was a terrible reflection on me, and I worried about what people thought. One day he told me he wanted to get sober. I was elated for a day, until his next relapse into a binge. Then I was devastated.
Some months later, my loved one finally did go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Two days later, the drinking began again.
The most important thing I’ve learned in Al-Anon since then is that my well-being cannot depend upon whether or not the alcoholic drinks. His behaviour is not a reflection of me, it’s a reflection of his disease.
However, my behavior is a reflection of me, and I owe it to myself to pay attention to what it has to tell me. I have to take care of myself. I have to accept that alcoholism is a disease, which can be arrested but not cured. Many alcoholics make a number of attempts at sobriety before actually getting sober; others never do.
My life is too important to waste waiting for someone else’s choices, even when it’s someone I dearly love.
No matter whether the alcoholic in my life is drunk or sober, the time to put energy into my own recovery is right now.
“Al-Anon helped me to focus my attention on what I could do about my situation, instead of concentrating all my attention on what I thought the alcoholic should do. I was the one who had to take a stand.” . . . In All Our Affairs